Reflection

Brennan Manning has a way to make me look at myself and my walk. Brennan Manning tried all sorts of things to try and make God Love him. He finally discovered that God has a furious love for him, they way he was.

I am learning that lesson. I am learning that Abba is mine, and I am His. I belong to Abba. He desires me.

I have thought of going and doing for God, to have God love me more....but I dont have to do those things. God loves me like I am. He loves me with my scars, imperfections, weaknesses and sins.

I belong to Abba, He loves me.

I have returned

I have been asked about blogging again.

I had given it up for a while after I got in a bit of trouble. No I will not write on here what it was. Just know that what I did will not happen again.

The last couple of days have been really cool. I got to have lunch with two couples from Rose Heights. They are dear friends who have always been special to Liz and I. I told them that being around them makes me miss pastoring.

I do want to pastor again as I have said. I still have a vision of working with a small rural church in a bi-vocational setting. Will see how that works out. I will leave it to God.

Today in my Sunday school class our Executive Pastor Fritz Hager came by...no pressure. I got to talk to him a few minutes. Seems like a very cool guy. He is a West Point Grad. I need to swap book stories with him. He has done and lived things I have only read about.

Well off to bed. I am finishing a book by Nelson Demille then I have a new (new to me) book by Brennan Manning I am going to read.

The Wisdom of Tenderness

Brennan Manning is one of my favorite people. Like me he has struggled with some things. His cost him his priesthood. He was able to recover and continue serving God.

His book I am reading now is called the Wisdom of Tenderness. There is a quote in it that really blew me away.

"It's more important to be a mature Christian than to be a great butcher or baker or candlestick-maker; and if the only chance to achieve the first is to fail at the second, the failure will have proved worthwhile. Isn't failure worthwhile if it teaches us to be gentle with the failure of others, to be patient, to live in the wisdom of accepted tenderness, and to pass that tenderness on to others? If we're always successful, we may get so wrapped up in our own victories that we're insensitive to the anguish of others; we may fail to understand (or even try to understand) the human heart; we may think of success as our due. Then later, if our little world collapses through death or disaster, we have no inner resources."

Think on that a while.....

Three Simple Rules

I have been reading a lot about John Wesley since the fall. When I was in California I purchased a little book called Three Simple Rules: A Wesleyan Way of Living by Rueben P. Job.

It is very small but very profound.

Here are the three rules:

1. Do No Harm.
2. Do Good.
3. Stay in Love With God

In the back of the book is a prayer guide.

I am very challenged with this.

Book Report

I have been reading another great book. It is called Dirty Word - The Vulgar Offensive Language of the Kingdom of God - by Jim Walker.

This is one of those books that really kicks me around and makes me think. It makes me think about the way we do church and ministry. I like people that make me think.

In the book is a passage from a book by one of my hero's, Dietrich Bonhoeffer. In his book Life Together, he has a quote:

"God hates visionary dreaming; it makes the dreamer proud and pretentious. The man who fashions a visionary idea of community demands that it be realized by God, by others, and by himself. He enters the community of Christians with his demands, sets up his own laws, and judges the brethren and God Himself accordingly. He stands adamant, a living reproach to all others in the circle of brethren. He acts as if he is the creator of the Christian community, as if his dream binds men together. When things do not go his way, he calls the effort a failure. When his ideal picture is destroyed, he see the community going to smash. So he becomes first a rejecter of his brethren, then a rejecter of God, and finally the despairing rejecter of himself."

Walker uses this in talking about building community. He ask the question, "How do we conjure up authentic Christian community? We don't. Because frankly we cant. He says that it happens naturally. It happens when we are surrendered and humbled. Koinonia will take place naturally.

Challenging.

Poverty

I have been thinking over the words of Jason Upton in his song: Power in Poverty. They are so profound. I want to weep every time I think of them. We chase and chase big, shiny and new. We chase the cutting edge, but what about the poor. A Catholic Priest I heard once really challenged me to invest in the bellies of the poor. We need them. We can never end poverty. Therefore, we always have something to do.

Power in Poverty – Jason Upton

There's a power in poverty that breaks principalities
And brings the authority's down to their knees
There's a brewing frustration and ageless temptation
To fight for control by some manipulation

But the God of the kingdoms and the God of the Nations
The God of creation sends his revelation
Thru the homeless and penniless Jesus the son
The poor will inherit the Kingdom to come

Where will we turn when our world falls apart
And all of the treasures we've stored in our barns
Can't buy the Kingdom of God?

Who will we praise when we've praised all our lives
Men who build Kingdoms and men who build fame?
But heaven does not know their names?

What will we fear when all that remains
Is God on His throne, with a child in his arms, and love in his eyes
And the sound of his heart cries

Good Read

Just finished a good book. It is called "The Tangible Kingdom: Creating Incarnational Community: The Posture and Practices of Ancient Church Now." It was written by Hugh Halter and Matt Smay.

I highly recommend this. They are pretty bold and brave guys who are church planters.

On to the next read.

Silly Grandmother

I love my mammaw. She is my hero. She has always been one of my best friends and confidants. We have had some long discussions about everything in the world. We have some disagreements over political things. She is a what you call a "yellow dog democrat" . If a yellow dog was on the ballot, she would vote for them.

She really through me for a loop when she voted for George Bush for president the first time in 2000. I thought hell froze over and I did not get the memo. She did not re-vote for him in 2004

Any way she voted for Obama. Big surprise. She knows how I am so not a Obama guy. I mean I guess he is a nice a guy in a sort of Fascist, Communist, Socialist, Marxist, Leftist sort of way. If you like that sort of thing.

She knows I am also a avid reader. I read a lot of books on all sorts of topics. So for Christmas she got me "The Audacity of Hope" by non other than the Chicago Thug politician himself, Mr. Obama. She even inscribed it for me. I love her.

Plus she got me Mike Huckabee's book "Do the right thing". I told her that that was more like it.

I am going to read both. I love her.

Update on all the happs

Well I still h ave not got that stupid deer. Sam and I went back again tonight and I went on Friday and still nothing. I am starting to wonder about my skills as a hunter. sigh...

I have been doing a lot of reading about Mother Theresa. What a profound lady with a profound ministry. I am bothered a bit by some of the things she says. In some of the prayers that she has written she encourages Muslims and Hindus to put the name of their God in the place of Jesus. She encourages them to be better Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs or what ever. This bothers me.

I guess the evangelical in me screams out "why not lead them to Jesus.!!!!!" I don't want to diminish the work that she did, but wow.

I also re-read a book by Dominic Dunne called "Anther City No My Own" - about the OJ Simpson murder case. He is a good writer. The first time I read this book I had borrowed it from my grandfather. He read every book written about the OJ trial. I read most of them. My thoughts...GUILTY!!!!!

Tonight we went to my mother in law's church. They had a walk through nativity story. It was done by the youth. They did a very good job.

In the next couple of weeks I am going to be taking on some new responsibilities at the church. I am excited, nervous, sad, over whelmed all at the same time. One of the things I will not be doing is teaching Sunday school. A break is nice. I have been teaching straight for 4 years now. I love to teach. I love the prep time that I have getting to study in the word and drawing out from God's treasure things that I can share with what ever class I am leading.

I have also been reflecting on the the last 4 years and asking some questions.
1. Have I made a difference?
2. Have I been obedient?
3. Have I missed anything?
4. How can I improve?
5. What should I do more/less of?

Time will tell.

Vacation Day 5

Well I finnaly got them. I am the proud owner of 4 brand new Uniroyal Tires Tiger Paw Tires. I figured up and I got over 49K miles off the last set. My truck sure does drive better with these on it.

I went and got Liz a little present for christmas. I went and got my hair did. Got to read some more. I went hunting again. And again I got nothing.

While Liz and I were in the van, I heard the rear brakes GRINDING>>>> Not good. So tomorrow I will be putting brakes on the van. I just love spending money I did not plan on.

Sam and I are going to be in the Christmas parade in Whitehouse tomorrow. Savannah is trying out for all region band all day tomorrow. I am so proud of her.

Today was a good day.

Vacation Day 4

stupid deer...I will not be mocked. I will get him. I will get him with extreme prejudice.

I had an awesome nap today. Don't tell Liz, but I took a 4 hour nap....i did not get up until 1 pm.

I went twice today and did not see anything. I did get to do some readying of the book "no perfect people allowed." It was written by the pastor from Gateway Church in Austin.

Tomorrow I am buying myself a set of tires. OOOOOOO, how fun is that. I have needed them for a while. I have 4 bald tires on my truck. I got my Christmas bonus so that is my gift to myself. 4 Uniroyal Tires, 50K mile rated!!!!!

The week of Larry continues......

Vacation Day 2 and 3

Well more hunting. Have not seen anything. At least nothing I wanted to shoot. I have seen cats, coons, squirrels, birds, ducks, geese......

I am resolved to continue. I have just about finished the book The Jesus Conspiracy. I am going to start on No Perfect People Allowed by John Burke. I have to miss hunting this afternoon. I am taking my oldest to a Jr. High shin dig while mom takes rug and rat to church stuff. I will go and hide somewhere and read.

Today I have taken a nap. Had Lunch with rug and rat. Went to the pharmacy. Cleaned the house. Did some laundry and watched fox News. Took a drive and looked around. Now I am surfing.

Vacation Day 1

Well I did not get much hunting done today. Well none really. Last night I went hunting and took a shot at a buck. I would have sworn I hit it and it went down. I could not find it, a blood trail or anything. We burned up some flashlights looking around for it. My father in law said that after we left a deer came back and ate up the corn that was on the ground. Stupid deer. I guess I missed it and it was hiding behind a tree laughing while we looked around. That is OK, I am going to come back again, and again, and again....

I spend most of the day with Savannah and Sarah at the eye doctor getting their eyes checked. Then me and Sam had cub scouts tonight. It was a relaxing day though.

I did get some reading done. I am reading a book called the Jesus Conspiracy by Gordon Thomas. I have read other books by him. He is an investigative reporter. His books are well written and researched. He has a lot of background information that he weaves in the the story of Jesus. It is very good.

Off to bed.

Reflections of a Weakling

I am reading one of the books hat I got in San Diego. It is called "The Faith" by Charles Colson. Colson was involved in the Watergate Scandal back in the 70's. He is involved in prison ministry. This book is about helping to define the faith that we have.

In the chapter about Exchanging Identities - where we take on the identity of Jesus and give up our own identity he talks about two of my heroes: Dietrich Bonhoeffer and Mother Teresa.

I h ave read lots about Bonhoeffer. He was a Lutheran Pastor from Germany. He became an enemy of the Nazi's. He became involved in a plot to kill Hitler. He was arrested and was sent to prison. In his prison cell, he continued a routine of worship every day. he lead church services and witnessed to everyone he could. The first few days of his imprisonment were not this way. He was very depressed and contemplated suicide. He then began a routine of a vibrant life in prison of reading, prayer, witnessing and writing. His family was allowed to bring care packages into him. Bonhoeffer often shared the things that came in with the other inmates. During one of the allied bombings all he inmates were moved to a basement for protection. Dietrich never flinched as people ducked and hid from the attack.

The prison doctor tells of the account of the last few moments of Dietrich's life. After they took his clothes, he knelt down and prayed fervently to God. This non-believer was struck by how passionately and fervently he prayed. He said that Pastor Bonhoeffer (this is how the Dr described him) prayed as if God would actually answer him (imagine that). Dietrich climbed up the gallows and stood brave ad composed. The camp Dr who had seen many people die in this prison said he hand never seen anyone dies with such submissiveness to the will of God.

I read about this brother and I am so moved. I want to have this passion for God in the hardest of circumstances. I at times allow hard stuff to distract me from my worship. I take comfort that a man such as Dietrich could remain composed in these times.

The part about Mother Teresa that really touched me was that she often struggled with depression. it is said that she had bouts of depression when she reflected at what she was not able to do. She was depressed at the abortion in the Western world. It is said that she took on the grief and pain of those she ministered to. I am told that this is not proper for a pastor to do. but I do it. I emote the pain of others and feel the hurt that they hurt. And I battle depression.

Both of these children of God died to self. This death that the endured is not gentle. Dying to self and caring for others is not a gentle death. they both trusted Christ in the darkest of times.

God help me to do the same. Help me to be at peace with your will. Help me to bear the grief of others. Help me to not lose the ability to hurt and cry with those who hurt and cry.

San Diego Day 5

I am sitting at the airport now. I have learned so much and have so much to process it is almost overwhelming. I am still blown away from last nights message by Francis Chan. I need to order the cd and share it with a few people.

After the service we went to a dinner put on by Dave Ramsey and Financial Peach University. It was at the poolside Tiki Pavilion area. Picture this, we leave a holy ghost service, seeing people on their face before God, some have never been in an altar service and we are lead into a party area, with loud secular music playing. All the songs were about money. The were selling Ramsey's stuff. On any other day I would not have cared, but i really felt vulgar sitting there listening to this music. It was the wrong atmosphere.

At the airport i got the treatment. Having this metal in my spine opens doors for me to meet some new people. They feel you and touch you all over. Of course it is not very intimate. First they put me in a glass box and then made me stay there. Then I got put on this metal chair and was assaulted by a beeping stick. Then he gloved up and gave me the rub down. I think I need a shower.

Any who, I just ate some pizza and finally have found some diet coke. I have not had some in days. All the resort had was diet Pepsi. You can live on it, but it taste like crap.

I am on my 3rd big gulp size glass of it. AHH heaven must be like this. I am going to nose around a bit.

Oh, all the books cost me an extra fifty bucks at the airport for a heavy bag. When the guy picked it up he yelled, my God that is heavy. He said this thin is over weight. I can not tell a lie, I have about 25 books in it. I even put some in my back pack, but, they got me.

San Diego Day 4 part 2

More Books: On the way to the evening part, I past through the exhibit hall, and Zondervan was giving away a ton of stuff that they did not want to pack and carry back.

1. Creating a Prodigal Friendly church by Jeff Lucas
2. Surprising Insights from the unchurched and proven ways to reach them by Thom Ranier (I love his work)
3. The Unchurched Next Door: understanding faith stages as keys to sharing your faith by Thom Ranier
4. Crazy Love by Francis Chan
5. Compelled by Love: a journey to missional living by Ed Stetzer
6. The Multiplying Church: the new math for starting new churches by Bob Roberts
7. Should we use someone else's sermon: preaching in a cut and past world by Scott Gibson
8. The American Church In Crisis by David Olson
9. Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

Almost vulgar the number of books i have to read now. Guess I know what I am doing the next couple of days. HA

tonight with Francis Chan. I don't know what else to say other than wow. It was so powerful and so moving and then he gave an altar call at the end and Lincoln Brewster was playing in the background. It was so heavy and so deep I am not even at this time able to express it in to words. I never expected to see God do something like this here. My friend the Lutheran Pastor, Joseph was really blown away. We have had a lot of discussions about what our different churches did. He had never experienced an altar call where people are laying hands on people, and people were prostrate in the floor. even Lincoln Brewster said he did not know what to do at this time. I will talk more about it later.

Headed home tomorrow.

San Diego Day 4 part 1

wow what a day. Good stuff, good teaching and preaching and worship.

I just got out of a class about Ancient Faith, about reaching the lost the way the early believers did. I will blog more about this later.

More Books:

1. The Juggling Act: bringing balance to your faith, family and work by Pat Gelsinger
2. Making God Known: how to bring others to faith by Greg Laurie
3. The Faith: what Christians believe, why they believer it, and why it matters by Chuck Colson.
4. When Your Teen is Struggling: real hope and practical help for parents today by Mark Gregston (he is from Longview Texas.)
5. More Good News for Great Days by O.S. Hawkins (former pastor of FBC Dallas)
6. Lost and Found: The Younger Unchurched and the churches that reach them by Ed Stetzer.

I think my suitcase will be over the weight limit with all the books. they are just giving them away.

Francis Chan in next. Off to hear him.

Good Book

I recently finished a book called "Caring for those in Crisis - Facing Ethical Dilemmas with Patients and Families." the book is written by Kenneth P. Mottram. It has a forward by Eugene H. Peterson.

The book is written by a hospital chaplain who has walked with many families through just about every ethical dilemma one might face. He looks at different ones and examines each of them in a case study format to look at options that were available and what was chosen and follows up on them.

When i did my chaplain report for the month I recommended to others that they look into this book and maybe even do an advance training on the material in the book. I think every pastor needs to read this. It is a great guide for them in doing hospital ministry. Every case is different. But a good foundation is always essential in helping.

It also helps you look at the perspective of everyone involved in a case. The doctor, the nurse, the insurance billing people, various family members, the organ donation group.....Until you deal intimately with someone in these cases you would not know all the dynamics involved.

Any who, it is a very informative book.