Reflections of a Weakling

I am reading one of the books hat I got in San Diego. It is called "The Faith" by Charles Colson. Colson was involved in the Watergate Scandal back in the 70's. He is involved in prison ministry. This book is about helping to define the faith that we have.

In the chapter about Exchanging Identities - where we take on the identity of Jesus and give up our own identity he talks about two of my heroes: Dietrich Bonhoeffer and Mother Teresa.

I h ave read lots about Bonhoeffer. He was a Lutheran Pastor from Germany. He became an enemy of the Nazi's. He became involved in a plot to kill Hitler. He was arrested and was sent to prison. In his prison cell, he continued a routine of worship every day. he lead church services and witnessed to everyone he could. The first few days of his imprisonment were not this way. He was very depressed and contemplated suicide. He then began a routine of a vibrant life in prison of reading, prayer, witnessing and writing. His family was allowed to bring care packages into him. Bonhoeffer often shared the things that came in with the other inmates. During one of the allied bombings all he inmates were moved to a basement for protection. Dietrich never flinched as people ducked and hid from the attack.

The prison doctor tells of the account of the last few moments of Dietrich's life. After they took his clothes, he knelt down and prayed fervently to God. This non-believer was struck by how passionately and fervently he prayed. He said that Pastor Bonhoeffer (this is how the Dr described him) prayed as if God would actually answer him (imagine that). Dietrich climbed up the gallows and stood brave ad composed. The camp Dr who had seen many people die in this prison said he hand never seen anyone dies with such submissiveness to the will of God.

I read about this brother and I am so moved. I want to have this passion for God in the hardest of circumstances. I at times allow hard stuff to distract me from my worship. I take comfort that a man such as Dietrich could remain composed in these times.

The part about Mother Teresa that really touched me was that she often struggled with depression. it is said that she had bouts of depression when she reflected at what she was not able to do. She was depressed at the abortion in the Western world. It is said that she took on the grief and pain of those she ministered to. I am told that this is not proper for a pastor to do. but I do it. I emote the pain of others and feel the hurt that they hurt. And I battle depression.

Both of these children of God died to self. This death that the endured is not gentle. Dying to self and caring for others is not a gentle death. they both trusted Christ in the darkest of times.

God help me to do the same. Help me to be at peace with your will. Help me to bear the grief of others. Help me to not lose the ability to hurt and cry with those who hurt and cry.