Thornton Wilder

I have read more about his play "The Angel That Troubled the Waters. It is based on John 5:1-4. His play talks about this doctor who suffers from depression and melancholy. He comes to the pool wanting to be healed of this. When the angel stirs the water, the doctor gets up to go and get in the pool only to be stopped by the angel. The doctor cries out begging to be allowed to be healed. The Angel insist that this healing is not for him.

The dialogue continues. the angel tells the doctor "Without your wounds where would your power be? It is your melancholy that makes your low voice tremble into the hearts of men and women. The very angels themselves cannot persuade the wretched and blundering children on earth as can on human being broken on the wheels of living. In Love's service, only wounded soldiers can serve! Physician, draw back."

The man who got into the pool and was healed goes and gets the Doctor. He ask him to come to his house to help him. He tells him that is son in lost in dark thoughts. The father does does not understand him and only the Doctor has been able to help him. He tells him that he has another child who needs his help. The help that only this wounded doctor can help.

I too have asked God to take away some things about me. Things that I used to think would hinder me as a pastor. That if anyone really ever knew "those" things about me, that I would not be respected as a pastor. I have even been told by some to never share those things.

But this play by Wilder has helped me understand that those things are a help and not a hindrance. I would love to not to have to deal with depression and anxiety. I would love to not to have to take medicine for it. I wish I never knew what addiction was like. But I do. I wish the cravings for a substance was not in my body. But it is. I have not given into it in years. I have not used that substance. But the thought is there. I have to do spiritual battle when I travel to certain places. I have to pray not to partake. By God's grace I have.

I wish that I did not have a financial debt that I can do nothing about, but I do. I guess because I do I can understand those who have struggled with financial trouble.

I used to think to be a pastor you had to "have it together." I looked forward to the class in seminary where they would take away all my trouble, sin, problems and I would have it together. It never happened. They never took it away.

I went in wounded and came out wounded. But I have learned that in loves service, only a wounded soldier can serve.