Hold Me

Just when you think you have something beat. It comes back.

I hate myself sometimes. I hate that I struggle with lust and drinking. I hate that sometimes I want to get sloshed until I can not feel my face. I hate that I find myself lusting over women who are not my wife.

But they are still there. Today I went and played golf. I loved it. I was really craving a cold beer. I saw the beer cart start my way. The struggle in me began until I almost wanted to puke. All of a sudden she turned and went a different way. I was glad and mad at the same time.

As I was telling Liz latter of my failure and struggle she asked was it around 12:45? I told her yes. She said she got a message that she was being prayed for at that time. She told this friend she did not know if it what it was for. I began to weep.

God loves me. Also, God likes me.

God help me to stay pure and sober. Forgive me for my failures and short comings. Help me to remember that you love me furiously. Thank you for letting me run to you and be held.

Raising its ugly head

Well,

My nemesis is back, or at least it reminded me it is there. My big two. I guess the stress and worry of dad and other things has stirred them up. I don't like seeing my daddy sick.

No, nothing has happened. I have not drank. I have not strayed. But the thoughts and temptations are there.

One way to explain it is to quote Jeff Foxworthy..."I want a beer, and I want to see something naked."

I have been reading more from Mother Theresa. I am reading about worshiping in silence and reflection. It helps.

Driving home today I listened to Jimmy Swaggart on a Palestine radio station. Hearing him sing and play helps.

I look forward to church tomorrow. It helps.