Lessons from Dad

Today started off to be a great day. We got up and went to Bethel. We had great time in Sunday School. Church was wonderful. We left church and went to Lowes. Everyone was happy. We bought some flowers. We walked over to the hot dog stand and all got a sausage and a hot dog.

We got home and King did not meet us at the gate. We called him and he did not respond. Walking into the back yard King started to stagger over. He stopped to pee. He was peeing blood. He was not acting like himself. I had a treat for him. King loves and lives for snausages. I held it out for him and he paid no attention to it. We broke up a piece of it and he took it and dropped it. I went to the phone and was trying to get a hold of our vet. He was not available so we called the emergency clinic. They said to bring him in. I got his leash and led him to the yard.

I told the kids to talk to him while I got the car ready. I figured they would put him to sleep. He is old and had a couple of health issues. We got a blanket for him. King then laid down on the side walk. He laid his head over on Savannah's lap. He was having trouble breathing. He then just stopped breathing. We held him and cried. We talked to him and petted him as his heart stopped. We wept in the yard.

After a few moments I knew I had to do dad duty. I had to do what I saw my father do. I had to bury our pet. I went over and cleared the back of my truck. Sarah gave me a blanket of hers to wrap him in. I picked up our doggy and put him in the back of the truck. The kids and Liz came over and kissed him and told him how much they loved him.

I drove to Troup to my father in laws farm to bury our dog. I cried the whole way. I never knew the emotion that would go in to this. This is not something they tell you in "dad school". I saw dad do it, and now I am the dad. As I was doing this I remembered the first time one of my pets died. It was Tom the cat. He was a black and white cat. I even took him to school one day for show and tell. He died when I was about 8 or 9. Dad picked him up and put him a box. We went out behind his shop and dug a hold. I had wrapped him up. Dad placed him in the whole and put the box over him and covered the hole. This was so many years ago and I can still take you to the spot where we buried him.

Part of our family died today. To some this is silly, but we loved this dog. He was the dog that helped Sarah get over her fear of dogs. He protected our kids. He loved to chase cats. He would bark at strangers. He never wondered off. If the gate was ever left opened he just walked to the front door and sat there. That is where the treats are.

RIP King. Find Tom the Cat in heaven and chase him. Role on the streets of gold. Ask Saint Peter for a treat. Take a drink from the River of Life that flows from the throne. We will see you someday.

My Sins, My Sins My Savior

What an Easter. My first in several years where I was not a pastor. Many emotions. While at Wal-mart today I pondered or more closely, was ambushed by my sinful nature. That thing that I so wanted to be gone from me. That thorn, that chain, that thing.....Actually there are two of them. One often used to mask or as an excuse for the other. Sometimes they work together. Sometimes they work alone. Sometimes one will disappear for a while and I think "finally, it is gone." But there it is.

The last several years in full time ministry I could not tell anyone about them. I had to pretend they are not there. Early on I tried to mention it as an aid to someone and was told to never tell anyone about it. You cant be in ministry if you have that thing. Even if you have this thing, tell no one. I have even asked other ministers about this. One even told me that if he knew that one of his staff had one of these problems he could not allow them to work as a minister. "It would just look bad" is what he said.

Any idea how lonely it can be to walk around day after day, year after year and not be able to openly ask someone to pray for you about your thing? (except my wife, who knows all and knows everything...thank God for her.)

The night before my final Sunday at Rose Heights I stayed up most the night reading the biography of Rich Mullins. What release he felt when he could admit publicly that he struggled with a specific sin. He feared rejection, and was by some. But most embraced him and loved him.

So what are my two things that I have following me around? Drinking and Lust. So before I explain, I have not taken a drink in almost 10 years. I have never cheated on my wife. I have not had an affair. I am not hooked on porn.

But often, like today, I have to pray though and fight lustful thoughts. They happen at the most inconvenient time. Often times I literally have to get up and leave where I am so I can pray that God will deliver me. I go and tell my wife, the only person I have been able to tell, that I am battling this thing called lust.

About the drinking? There are times when the craving and desire so over comes me I wind up in tears. I want to just simply get tore up. I want to get a 12 pack and drink every bit of it until I cant feel my face. It is really bad when you are out of town and "no one would know" and the stuff is all over the place.....Some times the battle leaves me bruised. By the Grace my God, I have not given in. But I must admit, it is not easy. I have been at weddings where there is drinking, I smell it and I want it. But I cant do it. I have had to get in the car and just leave.

Do I think drinking alcohol is wrong in and of it self? No. But for me it is. I know that if I go down that road, there is no good that can come from it. I know people that can have a beer or a margarita and that be it. Me? I want the whole pitcher. I want every drop I can get.

I know there will be repercussions from writing this. Some will use it as an excuse to reject me and write me off. I cant help that. But maybe this will help someone. I leave that to God.

Below is the words to an old him I sang to myself in Wal-mart today.

John S. B. Mon­sell, Hymns of Love and Praise, 1863.

My sins, my sins, my Savior!
They take such hold on me,
I am not able to look up,
Save only, Christ, on Thee;
In Thee is all forgiveness,
In Thee abundant grace,
My shadow and my sunshine
The brightness of Thy face.

My sins, my sins, my Savior!
How sad on Thee they fall;
Seen through Thy gentle patience,
I tenfold feel them all;
I know they are forgiven,
But still, their pain to me
Is all the grief and anguish
They laid, my Lord, on Thee.


My sins, my sins, my Savior!
Their guilt I never knew
Till with Thee in the desert
I near Thy passion drew;
Till with Thee in the garden
I heard Thy pleading prayer,
And saw the sweat-drops bloody
That told Thy sorrow there.

Therefore my songs, my Savior,
E’en in this time of woe,
Shall tell of all Thy goodness
To suff’ring man below;
Thy goodness and Thy favor,
Whose presence from above
Rejoice those hearts, my Savior,
That live in Thee and love.

Home Town Hero

I went to visit a hero today. He has pastored in my home town for I guess 30 years. He has worked bi-vocational for many years as a chaplain as well. He is in the hospital, but PTL he is going home today.

He is a faithful man. He has faithfully cared for the small flock that God has given him. The church he pastor's probably has never been over 100. Maybe higher. But he has cared for them. He has loved them, married them, buried them and gone through life with them as well.

Pray for him.